can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
