I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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