She is in my trunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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