So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
