how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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