R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
