Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
