you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
