I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
