His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize