So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
