I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
