My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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