u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
