highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
