If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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