fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
