The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
