If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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