So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
