Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
NoShamevember. You game?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
