don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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