wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize