Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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