just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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