you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
