I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize