Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
