dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize