He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
