You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
