I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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