Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
