I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
