she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
