Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
