Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
