margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
