Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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