What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
