there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
