Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
