were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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