Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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