His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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