upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
