I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
