I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
