Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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