I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
