ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
