He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
