five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
