He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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