I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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