Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
worst night to have a conscience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
