your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
