Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
