Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
