How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
