The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
