How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
