We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
