I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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