I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
