The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's always time for handjobs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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