I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think my moral compass just broke
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