at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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